It’s not that every single time you witness the sunrise or sunset, you have to be moved to tears or that you have to be filled with awe. It’s okay to not feel something just because you felt something once or just because somebody else said you should feel a certain way about something. My favorite song needn’t be your favorite song. Lovers needn’t hold hands. Goodbyes can be left unsaid. You don’t have to like me because I like you. Everything doesn’t have to make sense and mean something. Let’s stop making rules.
Back in 2014, I was travelling to Rajasthan in a semi sleeper bus. The roof of the bus was lined with balloons. I was on the upper berth. The balloons were pretty much in my face. Four of them – green, orange, white and blue. I like balloons, but I’m scared of them because they burst without a warning sign. I asked the conductor if they could be taken off or moved to the next light panel because I couldn’t imagine spending the entire night next to these balloons knowing they’ll burst. Because he looked so puzzled, I explained this irrational fear of mine to him. He did a terrible job of controlling his judgmental laugh and convinced me the balloons weren’t going to burst. I could see the remains of a burst balloon at the end of the bus. I told him they would. He repeated the same thing. “Don’t worry. They won’t burst.” I had no option but to trust his conviction. I stayed up for hours with my hands on my chest and earphones blasting the loudest songs on my phone and not looking at the balloons.
And just as I finally drifted off to sleep, I realized they’re just balloons. Balloons pop. Hearts break. Minds sleep. Dancers dance. Fathers cry. Mothers leave. Things happen. Things are made of atoms. That’s all life is. Atoms and things.
Today I’m going to tell you about my flag theory.
There’s an Indian flag on top of the building a few lanes near my school building. For 5 years, every day on my way to school, I’d stick my head out of the auto/bus and look at the flag. I was fascinated by the way it moved with the wind, the way it folded around the pole, the way it hung low in rain.
Over the years I started to notice a pattern. I realized that flag was an indicator of how my day would be. If the flag was waving away like a mad fool, I’d end up having a very happy day. If the flag didn’t move at all, I’d end up having a sad day. And way back then, a sad day meant not acing some English test (Yes, I was a nerd at that who was fascinated by English and Physics and wanted to become a nuclear scientist. Thank God that changed!) Sometimes, sad days also meant coming back to family drama which would break my heart and make me cry myself to sleep. And in sadness, I wouldn’t be able to study which would make me even sadder (I’m not kidding about the nerd bit). So you can imagine how much I dreaded the flag telling me it was going to be a sad day. But it helped, because I’d be prepared.
Even after my schooling, every time I passed by that building, I found myself looking up to see if I’d have a happy day or a sad day. Because sometimes, a windy day is all it took to heal a broken heart and to calm a confused mind.
Back then, I did not know happiness and sadness and everything in between is what we make of it. Now I know. But I still found myself looking at the flag sometimes. Not as often, but I still did until today when out of the blue I noticed there’s a whole new building that has covered the flag and has made it practically impossible for me to have a glance at it. So that’s the end, I suppose?
I’m sure this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard/read because by this theory, every windy day should be a happy day and every cold, rainy day should be a sad day. I won’t argue because it is hard to argue with logic. But I can tell you this from my 11 years of observation, the flag is never wrong!
And just in case you are wondering, today is a sad day. Or so says the flag or maybe it doesn’t, who knows?! =) Oh, I won’t blame you for thinking I’m cuckoo in the head! 😛
Until next time, love!
I was once asked to recite an inspiring “What’s your purpose in Life” story for an event in college.
Truth be told, I feel like I have no written purpose as such. I’m just here to be. At least that’s what I’m learning. There are desires and dreams that are unfolding as I grow older. There’s an undying need to make something a little better for someone. There’s an undying need to share what I have learned through good and bad. There’s an undying need to explore, to learn, to live, to love, to reach out, to get lost and to be everything else life has to offer. Why? I do not know! Call it purpose if you will, but I’ll call it living.
Nobody, I repeat, nobody can explain why certain memes go randomly viral on the internet.
I mean come on, what’s with this purple headbanging pigeon, or better “Trash Dove”? Like, hello, meme creator whoever you are, were you so embarrassingly out of work to come up with something as silly (and funny) as this? Did someone call it funny? (I didn’t, I swear)
Maybe it’ll die in a couple of days but is it even worth it? Now, pardon my ignorance cos I now have a stable job which I dedicate my 30 hours of the day to. So social life has gone down the drain and for the better, i come across memes quite late after they’re generally done and dusted to death. But this, this one was shoved right into my face with all the lameness possible from the very beginning and for what?
So, hi again trash dove meme creator, I find pigeons dumb too but I wouldn’t create a meme for it. Heh, no one even laughs at my joke, my memes would not even stand a chance anyway.
But thank you for the momentary spurts of funnies and laughter. My day at work went 1% better because of you and your trash meme.
So, you’re a misfit. Your ideals never aligned with your family’s. You never related to the people you grew up with. You never really fit in anywhere. Until this misshapen Tetris, found a spot. A coalition of misfits. A bunch of people who mirrored your crazy. Who shared the same vices. Who were just as fallible. Just as lonely and yet, just as independent. But, then one day, you had to move on. And maybe that’s not entirely a bad thing. Maybe, you are meant to be this cracked and flawed only for a little while, so the rest of the world could see a healed and perfect version of you.
You don’t know about struggle until you don’t know what to write when you need to write the most. You observe, stare rather, into infinity, hoping for an idea to strike, you lie down in your bed, shift sides countless times and then you stare into nothing again. Holding a pen, nibbling the end, thinking maybe observing things around would work. But no thoughts come. Usually, this is peaceful, having no thoughts whatsoever. Having a state of mind, so blissfully at peace and quietude. But then you have to write and your mind is still clear, and seems on an indefinite leave. What then, do you do? Do you disturb your peace just to write? Or do you restlessly give up? This happens to me often, but I still write. I scribble. I write my thoughts down but I write. I let the ideas and words skip my peaceful mind and let it straightly flow down to my lips as I mouth each word, and down to my arms and fingertips as I type each letters and punctuation. Or I write about not being able to write, just like what I’m doing now. But I don’t stop.
Happy 2017 to you! 🙂
2016: The year of making smart, sane choices. 365 days of positivity & happiness. Can safely say, this year has given me a lot to be thankful for.
Moved out of a wrong career choice, a wrong relationship. Started over to find happiness lies in the smallest of things.
Applied for a dream job and got it. Met some absolutely amazing people and realised life is much more and beyond anxiety and overthinking.
Got rid of people, got rid of negativity, of the voices in the head that held me back from doing things I love. Smiled more often. Changed as a person. Grew out of toxicity.
Travelled. Travelled a lot more than I had imagined I would. Spontaneous trips and doing things I was absolutely terrified of doing without batting an eye, said yes to life and no to fear.
2016 would have sucked if I hadn’t let the past years’ mistakes empower me.
Time flies. Don’t live a life you’re not proud of.
Happy New Year.