Be Your Own Super Human!

Have you wondered how it feels to be someone who suffers from mild depression but the symptoms aren’t that deadly so nobody gives a shit?

Image credits: henn_kim, Instagram
Image credits: henn_kim, Instagram

Hold on, this isn’t any comparison or whatsoever. Every type of depression is equal and should be treated with utmost care and respect. This is NOT a competition. 

I have good days and bad. Mostly good days, but the bad ones are bad enough to overshadow the good ones by a long shot. I live a pretty, good privileged life and I should be thankful for it (which I am) but that’s not the point. I don’t cry my eyes out or have trouble breathing at random, but I still “feel” like shit most of the time. A minor inconvenience fucks up my entire thought process and creates indescribable disruption. I fall into pieces which only I can assemble back. I hear everyone say, “I’m here for you if you want to talk.” ; so where do I begin? How do I explain a lifetime of battling with anxiety and “mild” depression? How do I possibly put aside the fear of getting judged while narrating my sob story to a society which constantly disappoints and puts down every human being? Be it shaming a 3 year old for what her mother made her wear or a global female icon for getting shot and making something out of her misery. And mind you, it’s not just my gender that throws me further into the deep, dark pit of depression. It’s much bigger than that. 

I love how these supportive messages begin to pop up at the death of one famous entity. As soon as that fades away, so does the empathy for the dead person. It breaks my heart that people like me who are struggling every day, sometimes just to wake up and gather the energy to live a single day without overthinking, or without having to indulge in small talk, will have to keep on handling themselves because no matter what, nobody else can understand your pain like you do, nodbody gives a shit about you like you do. It’s borderline cynical but if you put some wise thoughts to it only you can save yourself, be your own best friend. The people around you, are all good just for casual encounters. 

Hold them close, but hold yourself the closest. 

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Anti-Social Extroverts? Yes, We Exist!

Yep, we totally want to come out partying with you on a Friday night, but not this time, or maybe never!

We could be the life of a party that we attend, become best of friends with your friends, get the right amount of drunk to gel with the crowd and then we’ll leave. Leave, to never ever party for the next 2 years or maybe 4. We are the often misunderstood section of the society; the anti-social extroverts.

So, don’t get us wrong. We love people. We love our friends. We love to talk, and go on and on about inconsequential things in life and world and never tire of it, but we also hate it, more like dread it at the same time. Because, we believe in this century-old saying “just because you love something, doesn’t mean you have to enjoy or pursue it.” And I, on behalf of the ever-small community of anti social extroverts have taken up on myself to clear the air that people like us really do exist.

Why is that introverts get a free pass for not participating in the hundred-crores of interaction platforms and occasions but extroverts are instantly looked down up on if they choose to skip the same? Why is it that we are forced to live up to our extroverted natures, everywhere we go? Hmph, the struggle is goddamn real!

Some of the points that would resonate with you selectively social/ambiverts/anti social extroverts are listed down below, don’t comment or try to strike a conversation with me post reading it, so I know it’s real!

  1. Plans getting cancelled at the last minute gives you a high

Believe me when I say it’s true. You make plans months prior to the event actually happening and each day you live with the stress of the day finally coming closer. Yeah, making plans, going out to chill is the real shiz and all that, but at times, we’d like to be left alone in our pretty little bubble, all to ourselves. But being able to cancel it? That’s a rush to the adrenaline.

  1. You love people. But the regular kinds

Contrary to common beliefs and myths, we do get enough of people at the end of the day. To be more specific, any kind of human interaction is a dead no for us after a whole day of being around them. But yet, certain people do make an exception. Like our parents, boyfriend, ‘best friends’ and how to forget? Our work-bff, who, if doesn’t turn up at work one-day, things start to shift a bit.

  1. You are the only one who understands introverts

No, you are not an introvert, or even close to being one. You’re not shy, either. But you totally understand the exhaustion the introverts feel post any bit of human interaction and you’d mostly stay away from guilt-tripping them into doing the usual stuff with you.

  1. Your ideal hangout space is your home

And you’re shameless enough to write about it. Heh! You enjoy hangouts that require zero social interaction. Nothing speaks volumes on how amazing a hangout is better than cozying up in your blanket like a burrito and binging on Netflix.

  1. You can’t stop talking…. to the people you love the most

All that extrovertism HAS to come out at some point of time. And this happens usually with the parents, boyfriend and the BFFs- who also are anti social extroverts.

If you could relate to the markers, you know we all are in this together. We do love people, sure. We just love them all from a distance. Like alone, in our room, by double-tapping their recent selfie on Instagram under 2 seconds of them uploading it!

Your Life Is As Real As Any ‘Famous Person’.

It’s funny how quick we are to applaud celebrities from all around the world when they come out to talk about their depression, addictions, or even abusive relationships. We think it makes them almost humans, no? Almost very brave, somehow! But.. What about you? YOU! A 100-percent-non-celebrity-with-a -real-job? What about your complete experience? Are you blessed with a state of mind to talk about your most gripping and tragic life experiences? Do you have someone to confide in? Or are you going through a depression hell, hoping someone would take notice as to why you don’t smile like you used to, anymore? Hoping someone will coax you out of your lonely, self-loathing shell called ‘false bravado’ that you apparently pretend to happily live in? Are you hoping they’ll read between the lines and come save you? Someone like Us. The Us who are so quick to not miss the trending topic to praise and vouch support for celebrities on Twitter and share the same redundant links featuring their stories? Do you have a rock solid somebody you can trust with your life?

I DO.

When I was struggling through new school, bullied by kids of the same age as me for being too skinny, who obviously didn’t know better, I had my mother stand by me, protecting me, fiercely.

When I was stuck in a college for three years I didn’t want to, harassed by a staff member, I had my family supporting me, steadfast.

When I endured the worst break-up of my life, or hit a dead-end at work and surrendered to accepting my fate, I had my closest friends storm in and rescue me in an ambush.

 

And day after day as I battle my demons and face my fears; old and new, I have myself. I have the strongest force of nature residing inside my body, fuelling me like some raging forest fire. Like the ocean destroying the shore, but lovingly. Like another me, but stronger, fierce and deathly calm.

So tell me, do you have someone to back you like a titanium wall? Someone to listen to you talk, without judgment?

Because you deserve to be heard! You deserve an outlet. Your life is as real as any “famous person”. Real, and worthy of attention and love.

Every single day.

 

2016: The Year That Is Done!

2016: The year of making smart, sane choices. 365  days of positivity & happiness. Can safely say, this year has given me a lot to be thankful for.

 Moved out of a wrong career choice, a wrong relationship. Started over to find happiness lies in the smallest of things.

Applied for a dream job and got it. Met some absolutely amazing people and realised life is much more and beyond anxiety and overthinking. 
Got rid of people, got rid of negativity, of the voices in the head that held me back from doing things I love. Smiled more often. Changed as a person. Grew out of toxicity. 

Travelled. Travelled a lot more than I had imagined I would. Spontaneous trips and doing things I was absolutely terrified of doing without batting an eye, said yes to life and no to fear. 

2016 would have sucked if I hadn’t let the past years’ mistakes empower me. 

Time flies. Don’t live a life you’re not proud of. 

Happy New Year. 

Stop Romanticising Depression!

Of late, I have come across a bunch of hoodwinked people who assume and believe that Depression and Anxiety affects only the less privileged part of the society. Clearly, these people have never faced uneasiness, random pangs of sadness, overpowering them and eventually bumming them down!

Honestly, Depression was never about those temporary bouts of regular old sadness. Depression is certainly not some black and white image with goth boy staring out of a window and some stupid quote caked on to it.  It’s just like your regular illness that you wish went away, but worse. Because, nobody comes out and says “I have a disorder” or “I need help.” For whatever reason, opening up about it isn’t something we all do. Nobody hides the truth, but at the same time none of us are facing it head-on either.

It’s almost impressive how worthless depression and anxiety can make you feel. Here’s the thing, get it straight or get out: People get sad. People get depressed. And people cry. No one has the right to say that they can’t and worse, to be happy and say “it’s just a phase” because it doesn’t ever get better.

Depression can hit anybody, regardless of their sex, age, or country. You might have a lot of friends, but you might feel like curling up in a corner and not have any human interaction for days at all. You’d skip sleep but at the same time feel never to get out of the bed. You skip meals because eating feels like a chore. Your friends and family worry about you but eventually they get used to your absence every now and then. They stop asking you what’s wrong because they never get the right answer. What would you say to them anyway? You might have a hundred thousand people by your side when you don’t need them but the moment you do, there’s no one at all. All your nightmares begin to seem to come to reality. And the voices in your head, oh the voices never die.

This is what depression is and if people knew even one fourth of what it feels like to go through the this, they wouldn’t joke around about it. They wouldn’t tell people that it’s ‘spur-of-the-moment’ thing or to get over it or to look at the bright side. There is no bright side for us.

So, don’t let people tell you that your problems are less important than the problems somebody else might have. It’s never the case. Don’t make them make your tough situation any tougher.