Have you wondered how it feels to be someone who suffers from mild depression but the symptoms aren’t that deadly so nobody gives a shit?
Hold on, this isn’t any comparison or whatsoever. Every type of depression is equal and should be treated with utmost care and respect. This is NOT a competition.
I have good days and bad. Mostly good days, but the bad ones are bad enough to overshadow the good ones by a long shot. I live a pretty, good privileged life and I should be thankful for it (which I am) but that’s not the point. I don’t cry my eyes out or have trouble breathing at random, but I still “feel” like shit most of the time. A minor inconvenience fucks up my entire thought process and creates indescribable disruption. I fall into pieces which only I can assemble back. I hear everyone say, “I’m here for you if you want to talk.” ; so where do I begin? How do I explain a lifetime of battling with anxiety and “mild” depression? How do I possibly put aside the fear of getting judged while narrating my sob story to a society which constantly disappoints and puts down every human being? Be it shaming a 3 year old for what her mother made her wear or a global female icon for getting shot and making something out of her misery. And mind you, it’s not just my gender that throws me further into the deep, dark pit of depression. It’s much bigger than that.
I love how these supportive messages begin to pop up at the death of one famous entity. As soon as that fades away, so does the empathy for the dead person. It breaks my heart that people like me who are struggling every day, sometimes just to wake up and gather the energy to live a single day without overthinking, or without having to indulge in small talk, will have to keep on handling themselves because no matter what, nobody else can understand your pain like you do, nodbody gives a shit about you like you do. It’s borderline cynical but if you put some wise thoughts to it only you can save yourself, be your own best friend. The people around you, are all good just for casual encounters.
I just read about this Brit man, Graham Hughes, the first person to visit all 201 countries in the world. Without. Using. A. Plane.
It took him 1426 days and all this on a shoestring budget.
Oh. My. God. I’m. Too. Inspired.
People who follow me on Twitter might know of my constant rants and ramblings of how I’m eager to travel throughout India, so it got me all excited and thinking (but of course!) How awesome would my life be if I saved up some money, said bye bye to my wonderful family and friends and took off for a few months to travel around India, to go to every state. Like seriously, how fucking awesome would that be!
Imagine all the places I’ll get to see, the people I’ll get to meet from all walks of life, all the languages I’ll hear, all the train journeys, the yummy and not so yummy local food I’ll get to eat, all the scary, terrible situations I might have to tackle, all the fights I’ll get into, all the pictures I’ll get to take, all the stories I’ll hear and all the stories I’ll tell, all the knowledge I’ll gain. Imagine the same night sky viewed from different cities, towns and villages. What a truly beautiful experience it will be. There’ll be so much love to give and so much more to take.
I know I always say so many, many things and do nothing about it really but I hope I will make this happen someday. Soonly. ❤
We all carry certain words around in our back pockets like unspoken mini mantras: tiny terms that seem to pop across our minds with weighted frequency, that slip surreptitiously into our everyday speech, that we doodle into the corners of our planner pages. They’re either words we’re trying to escape or words we’re aiming to embrace. If you had to boil your current life down to one tiny bead, that’s your word. Chances are, there’s a specific way you consciously see it manifested in your day-to-day: the “hustle” in your ambitious career search, the “shame” as you give up on yet another diet, the “trust” as you settle into a relationship that feels real this time. But chances are, if you look across every aspect of your life — work, leisure, family, fitness, romance, friendships, self-care — that same word is seeping into each and every one, in heaps of ways you hadn’t even realized, both positive and negative. It’s probably affecting the way you wear your hair. Your walking pace. Whether you make your bed every morning. If you have one square of dark chocolate for dessert, or none, or a full bar. The good news is, if you don’t like your word, you can change it. A million times. Whenever you want. You can even make one up. Just make it a good one.