Be Your Own Super Human!

Have you wondered how it feels to be someone who suffers from mild depression but the symptoms aren’t that deadly so nobody gives a shit?

Image credits: henn_kim, Instagram
Image credits: henn_kim, Instagram

Hold on, this isn’t any comparison or whatsoever. Every type of depression is equal and should be treated with utmost care and respect. This is NOT a competition. 

I have good days and bad. Mostly good days, but the bad ones are bad enough to overshadow the good ones by a long shot. I live a pretty, good privileged life and I should be thankful for it (which I am) but that’s not the point. I don’t cry my eyes out or have trouble breathing at random, but I still “feel” like shit most of the time. A minor inconvenience fucks up my entire thought process and creates indescribable disruption. I fall into pieces which only I can assemble back. I hear everyone say, “I’m here for you if you want to talk.” ; so where do I begin? How do I explain a lifetime of battling with anxiety and “mild” depression? How do I possibly put aside the fear of getting judged while narrating my sob story to a society which constantly disappoints and puts down every human being? Be it shaming a 3 year old for what her mother made her wear or a global female icon for getting shot and making something out of her misery. And mind you, it’s not just my gender that throws me further into the deep, dark pit of depression. It’s much bigger than that. 

I love how these supportive messages begin to pop up at the death of one famous entity. As soon as that fades away, so does the empathy for the dead person. It breaks my heart that people like me who are struggling every day, sometimes just to wake up and gather the energy to live a single day without overthinking, or without having to indulge in small talk, will have to keep on handling themselves because no matter what, nobody else can understand your pain like you do, nodbody gives a shit about you like you do. It’s borderline cynical but if you put some wise thoughts to it only you can save yourself, be your own best friend. The people around you, are all good just for casual encounters. 

Hold them close, but hold yourself the closest. 

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Anti-Social Extroverts? Yes, We Exist!

Yep, we totally want to come out partying with you on a Friday night, but not this time, or maybe never!

We could be the life of a party that we attend, become best of friends with your friends, get the right amount of drunk to gel with the crowd and then we’ll leave. Leave, to never ever party for the next 2 years or maybe 4. We are the often misunderstood section of the society; the anti-social extroverts.

So, don’t get us wrong. We love people. We love our friends. We love to talk, and go on and on about inconsequential things in life and world and never tire of it, but we also hate it, more like dread it at the same time. Because, we believe in this century-old saying “just because you love something, doesn’t mean you have to enjoy or pursue it.” And I, on behalf of the ever-small community of anti social extroverts have taken up on myself to clear the air that people like us really do exist.

Why is that introverts get a free pass for not participating in the hundred-crores of interaction platforms and occasions but extroverts are instantly looked down up on if they choose to skip the same? Why is it that we are forced to live up to our extroverted natures, everywhere we go? Hmph, the struggle is goddamn real!

Some of the points that would resonate with you selectively social/ambiverts/anti social extroverts are listed down below, don’t comment or try to strike a conversation with me post reading it, so I know it’s real!

  1. Plans getting cancelled at the last minute gives you a high

Believe me when I say it’s true. You make plans months prior to the event actually happening and each day you live with the stress of the day finally coming closer. Yeah, making plans, going out to chill is the real shiz and all that, but at times, we’d like to be left alone in our pretty little bubble, all to ourselves. But being able to cancel it? That’s a rush to the adrenaline.

  1. You love people. But the regular kinds

Contrary to common beliefs and myths, we do get enough of people at the end of the day. To be more specific, any kind of human interaction is a dead no for us after a whole day of being around them. But yet, certain people do make an exception. Like our parents, boyfriend, ‘best friends’ and how to forget? Our work-bff, who, if doesn’t turn up at work one-day, things start to shift a bit.

  1. You are the only one who understands introverts

No, you are not an introvert, or even close to being one. You’re not shy, either. But you totally understand the exhaustion the introverts feel post any bit of human interaction and you’d mostly stay away from guilt-tripping them into doing the usual stuff with you.

  1. Your ideal hangout space is your home

And you’re shameless enough to write about it. Heh! You enjoy hangouts that require zero social interaction. Nothing speaks volumes on how amazing a hangout is better than cozying up in your blanket like a burrito and binging on Netflix.

  1. You can’t stop talking…. to the people you love the most

All that extrovertism HAS to come out at some point of time. And this happens usually with the parents, boyfriend and the BFFs- who also are anti social extroverts.

If you could relate to the markers, you know we all are in this together. We do love people, sure. We just love them all from a distance. Like alone, in our room, by double-tapping their recent selfie on Instagram under 2 seconds of them uploading it!

For The Wildest Mystery I Know

Being in love with you, is like being lost in the sea for decades. Like, you know you are lost and there’s no way to get back to the shore, but you see a similar someone in the same life raft as you. And even though, I might be still lost in the middle of the sea, with you, I know I’m home.  

Artwork by Rohan Rane
Artwork by Rohan Rane

I had always been a mess. Messy hair, lost eyes, abstract thoughts, a blurry self. I could say my life was an unfinished piece of art, and the saddest part was I wasn’t even trying to work on it.

This was before you happened.

It didn’t happen overnight, certainly. You just made a difference day after day, magic after magic. A life, a little different, a little better.

With you, love was mornings spent between laughs and giggles; with you, love was maturity and beauty; with you, love was peace; with you, love is uncovering your mysteries, one kiss at a time.

You were the artist who transformed me, an unfinished piece of art into a masterpiece. You didn’t do much, honestly. Just sprinkled the right amount of magic and there I was; a work of art, in itself.

Until next time,

Love.